जीवन दाता पत्र

जीवन दाता पत्र

1 यह विवरण एक मेंटोर ने एक सेमिनार में दिया।  परन्तु इस विवरण से सभी 100 से अधिक श्रोताओं को लाभ हुआ।  आप पड़  रहें हैं इस लिए आप को भी इससे बहुत लाभ होगा।  जीवन में कुछ छोटी छोटी घटनाएं अज्ञानता के कारण बड़ी बड़ी समस्याएं पैदा कर देती हैं।

2 सुविधा के लिए हम पात्रों के काल्पनिक नाम  रखते हैं।  :

-       शुभेन्दु (पिता)

-      सुमन (बहु)

-      सुलभ (सपुत्र )

-      अगम्य (शुवेन्दु की पत्नी )

3 शुभेन्दु की पत्नी अगम्य एक सुशिल और संस्कारी ग्रहणी थी।  दोनों ने जीवन भर अपने तीन बच्चों - दो बेटियों और बेटे सुलभ को पढ़ाया, लिखाया और अच्छे संस्कार दिए।  शुभेंदु  दिन भर खेतों में काम करता।  दिन ढलने के बाद थक कर घर आता और हाथ मुंह धो कर खाने का इंतज़ार करने लगता।  अगम्य बड़ी लगन और चाब से खाना बनाती।

4 जिस समय बह रसोई मे खाना बनाती तो हमेशा प्रभु के भजन का गुणगान करती।  जब भी उससे पूछा की ऐसा क्यों ?

 उसका एक ही उत्तर होता :             

प्रभु का सिमरन करने से खाने में सतगुण आ जाते हैं जिससे खाना खाने बाले इंसानों में भी सतोगुण परिवृति का आगाज़ होता है।

जब खाना पक जाता , सभी परिवार के सदस्य एक बिछोना बिछा कर उस पर बैठ जाते।  यह समय सभी के लिए ख़ुशी का समय होता।  पिता सबसे आगे, उसके बाद बच्चे।

कई बार बच्चे हाथ मुहं धो कर न बैठते तो अगम्य डांट कर उनेह हाथ धोने के लिए कहती।  इस समय दूसरे बच्चे जिस बच्चे को डांट  पड़ती को देख कर दांत निकलते और चिढ़ाते।

पिता मुस्कराता था।  मन ही मन प्रभु का धन्यवाद भी करता की उसका परिवार खुशहाल है।

5 समय बदलता है।  यह किसी के बश में नहीं है।  कोई भी इसे बदलने से रोक नहीं सकता।

जीवन के कुछ दिन, कुछ महीने बुरे हो सकते है पूर्ण जीवन कभी भी बुरा नहीं होता।

 बुरा तभी होता है जब इंसान अपने कर्म और सोच बुरी कर लेता है।  अच्छी किताबें देव प्रतिमाओं की तरह है।  जिनेह पड़ने से दिमाग खुलता है।  उत्कृष्ट भाव से लिखी किताबें पड़ने बाले को उत्कृष्ट बना देती हैं।  और नकारत्मक सोच से लिखी किताबें पड़ने बाले को निष्कृष्ट बना देती है।  चॉइस आपकी अपनी है।  आप क्या पड़ते हो , क्या देखते हो इसका जीवन पर बहुत प्रभाब पड़ता है।

6 हाँ तो समय बदलने लगा।  अगम्य की आकस्मिक मृत्यु हो गई।  बेटियों की शादी हो गयी। बेटीआं दिन त्यौहार पर आती और चली जाती।  जब तक बेटीआं और नाती (उनके बच्चे ) रहते शिवेंदु बहुत खुश रहता।  उसके बाद उस पर उदासी छा जाती।  सभी पिता की तरह शिवेंदु भी अपनी बेटिओं से बहुत प्यार करता था।  लेकिन उसे ज्ञान था बेटियन पराया धन है। 

 बेटे सुलभ की शादी सुमन से हो गई।  .शेवेन्दु अकेला पड़ गया।  हमेशा घर के बाहर पेड़ के नीचे अपनी चारपाई लगा कर चुपचाप लेटा रहता।  सुमन अपने ससुर की बहुत सेवा करती परन्तु फिर भी शेवेन्दु का स्वास्थ्य दिन ओ दिन गिरता ही जाता।  किसी को समझ न आता की क्या कारण है।  सपुत्र सुलभ बहुत ही चिंतित रहता।  अपने काम पर जा कर भी दिन भर अपने पिता के बारे में सोचता रहता।
What is life?

A journey from B to D. In between is C.

B=Birth, D=Death, C=Choice. Choice right, enjoy rail.

Choice wrong: Heal your heels inside the jail.

Choice lies with you whether you want to enjoy rail or rest in jail.

7 सुलभ की पत्नी अपने ससुर की इतनी चिंता क्यों करती थी।  यह भी एक घटना के कारण हुआ।  सुमन की नई नयी शादी हुई  थी।

परन्तु ससुराल में दो ननदें देख कर , बड़ा परिवार देख कर उसका व्यवहार अजीव हो गया।  उसने अपने पति से कहना शुरू कर दिया की बह तो अकेले घर में रहेगी।

सुलभ को यह सब सुन कर और जान कर बहुत ही दुःख हुआ।

उसका मन में अंतर्द्विन्द चलता रहता :          माता पिता को छोड़ता हूँ तो पाप लगता है क्यूंकि बही तो मेरे दृश्या   भगवन है।

 उन्हों ने जन्म दिया , उन्हों पढ़ाया लिखाया। अब बुढ़ापे में उनकी सेवा करना  मेरा धर्म है।
 यदि बह मेरा लालन पालन  न करते तो जो मैं आज हूँ क्या होता ?

 दूसरा विचार आता : पत्नी गर्भवती है उसे छोड़ता हूँ तो परिवार नष्ट होता है।  बिना परिवार जीवन क्या है ?

इसी अंतर्द्विन्द में उसने दुखी हो कर आत्म हत्या करने की सोची।

 परन्तु इससे  पहले उसे एक बजुर्ग ने सलाह दी की तू जा कर अपने माता पिता को अपनी समस्या बतादे।  बे तुम्हारी समस्या का हल कर देंगे।  हिम्मत करो।

8 सुलभ ने हिम्मत की और अपने माता पिता को अपनी समस्या बताई।  माता पिता ने कहा ये तो बहुत छोटी बात है।  जो बात सुलभ को बहुत ही बड़ी लग रही थी बह माता पिता को बहुत छोटी लगी।  सुलभ बहुत हैरान था। माँ बोली: हमने अपनी काट ली है तुम अपनी ख़ुशी से काटो।

 अपनी पत्नी को लेकर किसी किराये के मकान में रह लो।  सुलभः बहुत खुश था की उसकी समस्या का हल हो गया है।  पत्नी भी झट से मान गई।  सुलभ और सुमन के घर बेटे का जन्म हुआ।  सुमन ने अपनी माँ को बुलाया।  जरूरत होती है इन दिनों में।  उसकी सास अगम्य अपने पोते के बारे में सुन कर रह न सकी और हिम्मत करके आ गई बेटे के घर।  बहां पर दोनों समधने इकठी रही।

9 दो तीन दिन रहने के बाद सुलभ की सास यानि सुमन की माँ बोली : अच्छा बेटी तुम्हारी सास आ गई है अब मैं चलती हूँ घर भी देखना है।      सुमन बहुत गिड़गिड़ायी परन्तु उसकी माँ ने अपना सामान बांधा और चली गई।  अब सुमन की सास 40 दिन के बाद अपने घर जाने लगी तो सुमन ने उसके पायों पकड़ लिए और कहा : मां तुम ही मेरी मां हो , मेरी मां तो 3 दिन बाद चली गई।  रुको मैं भी अपना सामान बांधती हूँ और आपके साथ  अपने घर चलती हूँ।  माँ चुप।  बहु ने सामान बाँधा और अगम्य , सुलभ, सुमन और उनका नवजात शिशु तीनो अपने गाँब के घर लौट आये।

10 यही एक कारण था कि सुमन अपने ससुर का बहुत सामान करती थी।  उसकी हर जरूरत का ध्यान रखती थी।  क्यूंकि बह जान चुकी थी कि मेरा घर मेरा ससुराल है मायका नहीं।

11 अब शिवेंदु की बीमारी।  सुलभ को एक दिन एक ज्ञान बान सीनियर सिटीजन यानि बजुर्ग मिले।  उसने अपनी ब्यथा उसे सुनाई।  सुलभ ने कहा : मेरे पिता ही को पता नहीं क्या बीमारी लग गई है ? सुबह से शाम तक घर के प्राँगण में लेटे रहते है।  न किसी कुछ कहते हैं न कहीं आते जाते है।  बहुत डॉक्टरों को दिखाया है।  2 -3 लाख रूपए भी खर्च हुए है परन्तु लाभ कोई नहीं।  बुद्धिमान बजुर्ग ने कहा : एक उपाए है।  यह सुनते ही सुलभ की आँखों में चमक आ गई।  बोला : क्या है ? कृपया बताएं।

12 क्या आप अपने पिता को कोई पैसा देते है जो उनका ही हो कोई हिसाब न मांगे।  सुलभ ने कहा:  नहीं।
"तो आज जा कर 2000 रूपए अपने पिता को देना और उनके कान में कहना : पापा यह पैसे आपके हैं जो मर्जी करो इनका।  खायो पियो।  किसी को कोई हिसाब नहीं मांगेगा। "

सुलभ ने एक पत्र लिखा और अपने पिता से पड़ने को कहा जिस पर जो ज्ञानबान बजुर्ग ने कहा था लिखा था और इसके प्रभाब ने सुलभ को अचम्बा कर दिया। जो बह 2 -3 लाख रूपए लगा कर न कर पाया बह इस 2000 रूपए ने कर दिखाया।

पिता उठा और नहाया धोया और सफ़ेद रंग का साफ़ सुथरा कमीज पजामा पहना।

पगड़ी बाँधी।  पायों मे मौजे पहने।  दो घंटे के बाद अपने दोस्तों से मिल कर तारो ताज़ा अपने घर बापिस लोटा।  पोते से आज बड़ा हंस हंस कर दादा बातें कर रहा था।

 सुलभ और सुमन भी बहुत खुश थे की उनके पिता की बीमारी समाप्त हो गई है।

13  दूसरे दिन सुलभ ने सीनियर सिटीजन से यह सब बताया और पूछा कि यह सब कैसे हुआ।

 बजुर्ग ने बताया : बेटे जब बाप बजुर्ग हो जाता है तो उसे भी पैसे की जरूरत होती है परन्तु युवा बहु बेटे उसे यदि 100 रूपए दें तो उसका भी हिसाब मांगते हैं जिससे उसके आत्मसम्मान को ठेस पहुँचती है।  इसका इलाज दुनिया के किसी डॉक्टर के पास नहीं है।

  बहु और बेटे को अपने अपने माता पिता का शब्दों से सम्मान करना चाहिए और उनकी जरूरत के मुताबिक धन देना चाहिए।  अपशब्द या ऊँची टोन में बात नहीं करनी चाहिए।  मां बाप नहीं तो जन्म नहीं , जन्म नहीं तो दुनिया नहीं।  सुलभ ने उस बुद्धिमान इंसान का धन्यबाद किया।

Family

Dear Reader,

 Marriage is not a big problem. Marriage is a pious bond between the two souls. Irresponsible living is like a beast boasting of its prowess in the jungle. Any time, if it falls ill or hurt, its illness can turn into serious disease and then fatal to life as there is none to attend or serve. Even emotional support is highly needed to survive in the world. First 45-50 years are full of energy and rest need companion socially and morally bound to serve. Mere presence of the spouse is enough for happy living.

Here I mention the case of a very haughty officer. He used to abuse and quarrel with his wife though they had two sons. His wife was beautiful and  principal of a school. The mother of the officer, quite illiterate created lot of hue and cry when she(the principal)  used to come back tired from the school. Every day's quarrel and nagging made the officer to go for divorce. Divorce was dreaded by the people of the village but  the officer went ahead and was fully supported by the legal fraternity.

While the divorce proceedings were pending in the court, the wife made efforts and got good job in US. The honourable court granted divorce and the principal went to the US with two sons. Officer stayed with mother for a long period. Now when the officer is retired and mother is dead, this officer calls his wife in US but the sons who are grown up do not allow the mother to reply.

I see this man drinks every day and abuses everyone in the locality out of frustration. Everybody is fed up from his behaviour. Now the wife and sons are in US and this officer is all alone without any member in the family.

Many times, a question crops up in my mind. Where is the honourable judge who passed the decree of divorce? Where is the legal fraternity that helped him to get the divorce? Where is mother who used to curse and nag the spouse? Nobody is there to help this officer. Now this officer is fighting his life's battle all alone. I perceive that his life is shortened by 15-20 years. I find him murmuring, confused and irritating. Had he visualized the life after retirement, he would have not been that adamant on divorce. All relations need balancing.
  All fears are mental fears. Not real. Your father has to marry you off as per his wish and liking. You will marry off your children. That’s the world. No parents no kids. So, agree politely and confidently and I assure you that you will enjoy this social bonding. Don’t interpret any thing and do not over analyse. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 all together make a family. How can you expect that 10 = 70 and 30= 40. Behaviour of different members is different but the greatest thing that family is one – united. Express, quarrel, contest, agree, disagree but never be divided. Family is the nuclear unit of this world.

My father stayed with me for about 1 month after 54 years of my life. I found that he is not that bad as I had apprehended right from birth. It is not a question, how many times he has thrashed me and scolded, what matters most is that even after 54 years life, when ever needed he has stood there. Right till today, I used to blame my parents and other relatives because they never used the words which my ears wanted to listen.

But now I have come to know that spoken words are never complete. At one time at the age of say: 30 my mother roared like a lioness and we all dreaded it. But now at 80 she is unable to speak well. We use our empathy to understand her needs. The speaker’s words do not match our perception and this all causes the problem. These are called communication Barriers.

You are educated and read the books. This all changes your perception. And you react to a situation more intelligently and fearlessly. But it is not possible with your mom or papa.I have read many books and that has given me lot of logical and verbal power.

How can my mother respond to my logical and verbal power? If I expect that my mother at the age of 80 should speak and act as I do, then it is my mistake not hers. Simply I gave this message to my mind and I am feeling very light mentally and concentrating on my job.

The world was here and it will remain here. Mark Twain once remarked: Don’t expect the world will do anything or change for you. Only you have to change yourself to fit in this world. The world was here, is here and will be here even after you go from this world.

An individual who fits into the world feels freedom. Earlier I used to tell the people around me about my plans, and they used to laugh at me. But now I do not tell the people. I just listen, listen and listen. My interaction with the relatives or people who do not matter is reduced to 10%. This way I am feeling very happy. Now I don’t fear problems but face them directly. I don’t say: You change, you say, you should, you ought. I find that it is my fault and appreciate others. This has built my mental health and strengthening the relationships which are very esssential to live the life.

Entire mechanism of the world is based on network. You spoke on phone, this is network. But this network is useful if we have people to speak. Can you speak without a listener? No not at all.

We are the kids of the people who were born under British rule. They have faced lot of problems to bring us up. You will realize this when you will have the kids. Bringing up own children is really a tedious task – a regular mental worry, living in scare. Mental freedom used to be alien to our mothers. There is no God, only parents.

I have told you the story of god Shivji, Parvati, Ganeshji and Kartike. Written communication is soothing communication and more understandable. Spoken words generate heat after a period of time. While speaking, health of the person, time and place the speaker or listener and the mental interpretation of the words all work together. Spoken communication can never be the same, soothing or simple and understandable. So, write mails and learn to keep yourself happy and pleasing. It gets hot.

I use this method and many problems are over. One of my auntie used to create lot of hue and cry. I wrote her a long letter and expressed every thing I felt about her and her behaviour. My life is saved. Now she does not come much and does not disturb us much. I analysed, she always talked what is wrong with the people and the world where as we are living very happily. She always talked about money, about what the people lacked or she lacked in comparison to others. This all had created lot of mental tension for her and her face and body was all presenting a walking weak body emanating negative vibrations. Similarly, your parents are talking. Reality can be totally different than your interpretations. What a man needs in life:

1. Air to breathe
2. Water to drink
3. Food to eat
4. Clothing to cover body
5. Shelter to live
6. Rest all is luxury and the entire world is racing after this.

It is upto you to be happy or to be unhappy. Happiness will start from the day you will decide that I am not going to be happy for anyone or anything.

Earlier I used to think about my sisters, brother and mother. But now I mentally have told myself that they are enjoying. Why should I trouble myself? It has really worked and I am mentally happy and healthy. All psychological problems are faced in real world and I find there is no problem. All were mental created by the people who knew nothing about the problem. Talking, talking and talking. Fear, fear and fear. Fear of losing caused many problems. But now that’s over.

 ijNdgI myN KuISAwN fUFogy qo KuiSAwN iml jweyNgI, gm fUFogy qO gm hI imlyNgy[

Wealth is lost, nothing is lost

Health is lost, something is lost

Character is lost, everything is lost.

Do you have health and character? Then where  is the worry. My health is OK and I am feeling at the top of the world.

So, go ahead and get married. You will be very happy. Over expectations and mental possessions poison the life

FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT

SON LEARNT FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT   by Prof. P.K.Keshap

in Business / Entrepreneurship    (submitted 2011-03-11)

I have a good, intelligent, enterprising friend who is an entrepreneur and is P.G in Technology i.e. M.Tech. He mentored his son studying in 6th standard for business. His wife a P.G in Dietetics used to be busy in the morning to shout at the son for getting up early in the morning and be ready for school. Mr. Jassar who is resident of Canada and running business in India was all surprised by the time his wife wasted in the morning to wake up their then only son.

Morning scene:
Son in the bed, hiding his face with the pillow and half-in-sleep:
Mom to son,
• Get up my son, it is morning, you need to go to school. In case you will be late it will reflect a poor grade on your report card in • responsibility• column."
Son murmurs back,
• A few moments more mom. Please allow me to sleep.•

Mom (busy in the kitchen) will sometimes shout from the kitchen, 
• Get up or I will pull you out of the bed holding you from your ears.•

We are Punjabis and in Punjabi words the phrase is: 
• Kan phar ke bahar sutna hai. Phir changa rahenga.•

It was a daily routine and Mr. Jassar• s tolerance level went on depleting to the level of annoyance and one day he sat with his wife, discussed and consulted with her the issue of the behaviour of their son over the cup of tea. At that time, they had a son only. But now they have two kids son and a lovely daughter. The complete home they have. A home without a daughter is like a hostel.

Mr. Jassar proposed to his wife:
• My dear why can• t we work out a solution that makes our son more responsible. If the son does not get up let him sleep as long as he wishes. How long will you trouble yourself to keep him waking up? At least, one day he will have to get himself up without your assistance.• 
• But he will be late for school,• humbly his wife a nice responsible caring mom replied.
• Let him own his own responsibility right from today,• Mr. Jassar politely answered.

• This is not possible and is a mere dream. I bet.• Wife contested.
• Let me handle the child. Don• t wake him up right from tomorrow.• Mr. Jassar advised and instructed. Mr. Jassar though said politely but firmly.

Next day, wife did not wake up the child.

Child got late for the school. When he got up, he asked his mother un hn hn, 
• Why you did not wake me up. I am late for the school.• The child complained to his mother.
The complaint had no effect either on mom or dad.

Before the mother could reply, father replied:
• We have decided, right from today, we shall not wake you up. You have to own your own responsibility of going to school. You have to learn and be wise.•

Child was surprised at this stark and stout unexpected answer. He was never expecting that the day will come when he will have to leave the • comfort zone• and • helping hand• will be withdrawn. 
He felt as if he has woken up from a deep sleep and dreaming state.
He surrendered and politely enquired from his father, 
• What should I do dad? I don• t want to lose my classes.•

• Use a wake up ringing clock.• Dad said.
• Where can I get this clock?• the child asked in a low tone. The tone reflected the child needs guidance and solution for the problem.

• From the market.•

Dad & son went to the market and bought one ringing clock.
Dad also made a list of the activities needed to be done by his son once he was awake and up . Dad pinned up the list on son• s notice board in the room. The looked at the list and frowned. But he could not contest with his dad.

Next morning:

Clock gave 1st, 2nd and 3rd ring. On the 3rd ring the boy bounced out of the bed and started brushing his teeth, went to toilet and by the time his mother was ready with breakfast, the child was on the breakfast table.

Mother was feeling relieved today. She offered the breakfast with love, affection and relaxed mind. Child enjoyed the breakfast. Child felt the breakefast was more tasty than other days.

Wished the parents • Sat Shri Akal• and sought their blessings and went to attend the school. Son used to get ride to school and Dad had to pay $ 4 every day to one of his neighbours for this service.
Days went by. The child one day asked Mr. Jassar,

• Dad I need a bi-cycle. How much does it cost?• 
• About Cn.$200.• 
• I wish to buy one.• 
"OK. Go ahead• , Dad replied appreciatingly. 
• But I don• t have any money on me.•

Mother went on listening, silently but attentively.
Dad said," look, my dear son we have started all afresh by immigrating to Canada. So we as a family don• t have enough funds for all this."

• How can I have money then?• 
• Earn it.• 
• How can I earn it?• 
• Let me think for a day I will be back on this• , dad said.

Next weekend
• I have an idea.• Dad started the talk with his son.
• Tell me.• 
• In my office, lot of papers need to be arranged. You may come to my office on weekly off-days and holidays. I will pay you Cn.$100 per month.• 
• One more idea, it costs to take a ride for going to school.• 
• It can save you $ 80 if you go and come back on foot from school which is less than a km from our home.•

Idea struck to the mind of the child and child agreed to attend the office on off-days and holidays and even became ready to go to school on foot as he wanted the bi-cycle desperately.

The child started attending the office of the dad and arranging his papers and doing his odd jobs in the office. 
Mother started to enjoy more life at home in the absence of child and his dad. 
After 3 months, Mr. Jassar asked his son, • Why don• t you buy the bi-cycle?• 
• Dad I have only 120 dollars. 100 earned plus 20 saved. I have 80 dollars short.• 
Mr. Jassar offered, • Now I can lend you 80 dollars but I will charge interest.•

• What is interest Dad?•

• If you borrow money from others or banks, you use them. For that use you need to pay a small amount as percentage. That is called interest.• 
• Right! I will pay,• agreed the child.
Mr. Jassar as promised loaned the child sum of 80 dollars.

The child bought the bi-cycle and was happy that he has bought the bi-cycle with his own money.

Another day, when the son was coming on foot from his school, the neighbour of Mr. Jassar who was bringing his child from the school, offered lift in car to the son of Mr. Jassar.

The child replied, • Thanks uncle. I will go home on foot I have a promise with my dad

The neighbour was surprised to hear these words from the 6th grade student.

Now after a period of about 4/5 weeks, the child finds that bi-cycle is well enjoyed and is needed no more.

He asked his father, • Dad, I wish to sell off my cycle. How can I do that?• 
• Go to the internet and ask for bids on the internet.•

These days, the child, checks the bid everyday on the internet. Price offered for old cycle is 100 dollars, but the child is not mentally ready to sell. He wishes better price.

What the big business schools cannot teach the students in many years• teaching that a dad taught within a month or two to a child of 12 /13 years • the financial management.

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About the Author

Founder Director: Institute for Personality Development, 165/64-J, Bhai Randhir Singh Nagar, Ludhiana(India), Phone: 0161-2455560 Branch Office: "Knowledge Park", STEP, Govt. of India, G.N.E, Backside Nanankana Sahib Public School, Gill Road, Ludhiana

We make you WINNERS.
http://positivepesonality.blogspot.com

Prof. P.K.Keshap

HAPPY MARRIAGE

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

Best advice to unmarried girls is:

Marry someone you don’t mind adjusting to.

God tailors the wife to fit the husband,

Not the husband to the wife

Work and Life Balance

Subodh was married to a beautiful dame from the countryside. His dame needed more time than he could devote. His performance and productivity as well as quality of decisions at work was going down and down. His partner was whining all the time for Subodh’s declining level of concentration at work. Neither wife nor partner was happy or satisfied. Subodh was at wits’ end.


All this was telling upon his health. Wife always found that Subodh remained busy in his work and not attention was paid to maintain relatives. Relatives too complained and remarked bitingly “All marry but they don’t ignore the relatives.” Wife wished that all family functions and marriages in the relations must be attended. She also wished that Subodh should sit and talk with her for hours. Subodh should have time to go to Cinema. All these were not being handled by Subodh comfortably. His health deteriorated and his behaviour became irritable.

For wife, it was another problem. Every body in the family was worried. Parents thought some super natural problem was there. They secretly started consulting “Babas” for finding a remedy to Subhodh’s problem. They were of the opinion some “bad soul” has affected their son. But wife was educated and did not believe much in this kind of “faith” or “faith healing”. Out of respect for elders, she used to company her parents-in-law. Many efforts by these “Babas” failed to bring Subodh to his normal behaviour.

As the time passed, the problem persisted and mental peace of the family members also flew. All – Subodh’s parents’-in-law, parents, brother and sister-in-law all were worried. Worry could be judged by just looking at their faces and their reactions to the situations in daily life.

Time passed and Subodh was blessed with a son. Another bond. Subodh was overburden.
He was unable to meet the continuous nagging by his wife for lack of time for her and her son. Subodh was finding himself torn in performing 3 dutites – one at work, 2nd handling wife and third keeping pace with time demands by elderly parents.

One day, he came across a business mentor. After attending the seminar, when he was having a cup of tea with the mentor, he reluctantly opened his heart to the mentor. Her eyes full of tears were telling more than words. Mentor, seasoned and matured person, advised: keep 11 months for work and full one month for home.

Subodh came home and asked his wife to come and sit with him. After settling down properly and making the wife ready to listen, he disclosed in a very polite way. “Today I met a very intelligent, mature and saint like person who had come to give a talk in the seminar.” Wife was listening with an awe. “I told him my problem of time. I told him that I wish to devote time to my family, but my work engagements do not allow me to do so. If I devote time to family, then work suffers and if I devote my time to work, then family suffers. What should I do sir?” Further Subodh confessed, “Very politely that gentleman told me. Your problem is a problem of life and work balancing. This problem is not only with you but with most of the people. You are over stressed between two lives. When you are in the office, you think about the family and when you are at home, you think about your work. Isn’t it?” “Yes, yes, sir” I answered to the mentor. “Sir how can I over come this situation?”

“Very simple.” 1. Be proactive. Using “Things To Do sheet” and planning for the next day at last night i.e. before the working day, you will become proactive.”
2. Work for 11 months and enjoy full 1 month.

“So, my dear, lovely wife, let’s decide from today that for 11 months you will not ask me anything and I will work only. And on 12th month, I will not ask and not go to work and will enjoy fully with you and son and family. No questions. Agree.”

After sometime, the wife nodded affirmatively i.e. yes. Now everyday nagging by wife was replaced with a smile in the hope that my husband will be free in 12th month of the year.

Every family function was attended with great fervour. No regrets, no complain. Always enthusiast wife, ready son and happy parents went and enjoyed the functions in the family circle.

11 months went by. 12th month came. Without anybody’s asking, a week prior to starting of 12 month, Subodh planned for family’s outing on a hill station. For a week, they stayed at the hill station, did hiking, tracking, enjoyed boating and river rafting. After a week when they came back, he had another plan. He and his wife joined a one week dancing classes. They learnt dancing together. Another plan, music and singing plus painting classes. All this made wife so happy that she does not speak a single word and waits patiently for this 12 months.
During the past 4 years, they have visited many hill stations and have known new people and new culture.

His wife one day came and told that she is planning to start Free classes for slum dwellers in teaching dancing and painting. Life is now has a purpose and meaning for the grumbling couple. Their son likes to live with grandparents. Grand parents for him are God. They love, laugh and always take care of him. Grandfather is always seen walking with the grandson. Grandson holding his grandfather’s finger feels as if he is fully safe and secure and nothing can happen to him.

Everyday, while praying to God for grace, Subhod thanks his mentor who with his guidance changed his dull life into really meaningful one.


Image Courtesy: wolfspace.com

THE ART OF UNITY

GETTING RIGHT

MAINTAINING A haromonius joing family requires leadership, manaement and communication. Ettiquette exper ^Archie Sehgal tells us how to make it work.

LEADERSHIP SKILLS

BE SELFLESS:

The first step is to surrender the concept of "self". Make an effort to think about others first.

TOELRATING
A joint family arrangement will test you. Annoying habits and conflicting personalities must be tolerated with patience and a positive attitude. Talking it out with the person concerned can build up the foundation for alasting relationship.

THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT:

If a family member misbehaves in a fit of anger, you should suggest reasons justifying

their actions. Your family members will admire your diplomacy.

SACRIFICE

Find the courage to sacrifice something you may want in the interest of another family member.

Although, do politely mention the sacrifice made. And, your selfless act won't be in vain.

The benefactor will appreciate it and most likely wait for an occasion to recipocate.

SHARING

Share everything with your family. From clothes, jewellery and books to your experiences, worries and problems. Sharing yourself will help your family to better understand you.

GIVE DUE CREDIT

Family members must be appreciated for their efforts. But at the same time, applaud all members, even those who haven't performed. This encouragement will instigate effort.

TAKE IT IN STRIDE

Your patience will be tested and there will be events and behaviour you won't approve of. The moment something undesirable takes place, have the power to tell yourself. "So what?"

EXPRESS YOUR GRIEVANCES

Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Also, avoid complaining about the problem to another family member. Approach the person directly and openly express whatev er is bothering using polite, befitting respectable words and body language. No trading of blames. This will help your overcome the problem and move on. This will forge unity and maintain peace in the family.

IN HARMONY

* Always project your family as one unit.

* While partaking in conversations in public, use 'we' 'our' and 'us'.

* If your achievements make your stand out from the rest of the family, be humble and always share the credit with your family whether it's for their help, cooperation, inspiration or moral support.

* Introduce your family to your friends and colleagues.

TIME MANAGEMENT

If you have hectic schedule, make time for home by involving family members in your morning routine. Have your morning tea, read the newspaper or have your breakfast in the company of other family members. You can also work on the laptop in their company. This enables you to make up on lost time. And, when you reach home, devote the first half an hour to your family. This is also the perfect opportunity to share your experiences of the day. Exercising or going for walks together is another good option. Faith, family and friends matter in life to make life 'heaven'. Remmeber it.

PEACEFUL LIVING

*Greet your elders in the morning.

* Instead of informing, the youngsters should seek permission from their elders. Try to use statements like "May I go?' instead of "I am going. "

*Express your love and afection. This will put others around you in a good mood.

* Create a common sense of belonging among all children of the joint family, irrespective of who belongs to whom . I mean cousins should be treated like siblings.

TAKING A STAND

Every family member is unique so don't be afraid to be yourself. Let your personality shine through. Have the courage to stand up for yourself and don't let other family members take you for granted.

ASSERT YOUR VIEWS

* Initiate dialogue to express your grievances.

* Do not resort to drama in an attempt to alleviate problems - that will only make them worse.

* Have one-on-one cpmversations with the senior members of the family about the problems you are facing. Brainstorm ways to solve them together.

*Perform your duties diligently and politely mention the same if your're ever confronted.

*When a hectic work schedule is approachable, mention it well in advance so everyone can mentally prepare themselves for your absence.

* If unwell, inform the family so they know why you're keeping to yourself.

GEN ERATION CLASH

Pleasing both the older and younger generations can prove to be a challenge. The elders, often overprotective, claim to have the life experience, and the your desire to be more carefree. Find a balance.

GRANDPARENTS' GUIDE TO HAPPINESS

*Do not nag your teenage grandchild over trivial issues, instead discuss the issue as if they are an adult.

* Do not repprimand your grandchild in front of other family members.

* Never draw comparisons between your grandchildren and do not compare them with their parents.

* The more positive you are with your grandchildren, the more positive they will be. Praising them will motivate them to live up to the wonderful image you have of them.

*Surprise your grandchild with one of the latest CDs or DVDs. This will make them feel that you can relate to their age.

* No matter how difficult your teenager may be, just remember that he/she is the same beaultiful child who grew up in your arms.

* Work on develping a friendship with your grandchildren. This will encourage them to spend more time with you.

*Once you have bonded with the younger generation, getting them to listen won't be as much of challenge.

THE TEEN WAY

* Spend quality time with your grand parents and discuss their concerns over your schedule or lifestyle.

*All your life you have been the benefciary of the joint family, now it's your responsibility to follow the norms of the family.

* You should abserve the restrictions to food and other activities while at bome due to religious reasons. This pays in long run during later years of life.

* When you are desparate for permission, talk to your grandparents about it in confidence.

*Introduce your group of friends to your grandparents. it will help you get permission for future outings with them.

*Your grand parents have years of life experience on their side, so discussing your problems with them can be helpful.

^The writer runs a placement institute that provides courses in finishing grooming and corporate training with focus on impression management, etiquette and life skills.

SOURCE: THE HINDUSTAN TIMES, Sunday, 16th May, 2010l.