Thursday, February 23, 2012


Dear Reader,

 Marriage is not a big problem. Marriage is a pious bond between the two souls. Irresponsible living is like a beast boasting of its prowess in the jungle. Any time, if it falls ill or hurt, its illness can turn into serious disease and then fatal to life as there is none to attend or serve. Even emotional support is highly needed to survive in the world. First 45-50 years are full of energy and rest need companion socially and morally bound to serve. Mere presence of the spouse is enough for happy living.

Here I mention the case of a very haughty officer. He used to abuse and quarrel with his wife though they had two sons. His wife was beautiful and  principal of a school. The mother of the officer, quite illiterate created lot of hue and cry when she(the principal)  used to come back tired from the school. Every day's quarrel and nagging made the officer to go for divorce. Divorce was dreaded by the people of the village but  the officer went ahead and was fully supported by the legal fraternity.

While the divorce proceedings were pending in the court, the wife made efforts and got good job in US. The honourable court granted divorce and the principal went to the US with two sons. Officer stayed with mother for a long period. Now when the officer is retired and mother is dead, this officer calls his wife in US but the sons who are grown up do not allow the mother to reply.

I see this man drinks every day and abuses everyone in the locality out of frustration. Everybody is fed up from his behaviour. Now the wife and sons are in US and this officer is all alone without any member in the family.

Many times, a question crops up in my mind. Where is the honourable judge who passed the decree of divorce? Where is the legal fraternity that helped him to get the divorce? Where is mother who used to curse and nag the spouse? Nobody is there to help this officer. Now this officer is fighting his life's battle all alone. I perceive that his life is shortened by 15-20 years. I find him murmuring, confused and irritating. Had he visualized the life after retirement, he would have not been that adamant on divorce. All relations need balancing.
  All fears are mental fears. Not real. Your father has to marry you off as per his wish and liking. You will marry off your children. That’s the world. No parents no kids. So, agree politely and confidently and I assure you that you will enjoy this social bonding. Don’t interpret any thing and do not over analyse. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 all together make a family. How can you expect that 10 = 70 and 30= 40. Behaviour of different members is different but the greatest thing that family is one – united. Express, quarrel, contest, agree, disagree but never be divided. Family is the nuclear unit of this world.

My father stayed with me for about 1 month after 54 years of my life. I found that he is not that bad as I had apprehended right from birth. It is not a question, how many times he has thrashed me and scolded, what matters most is that even after 54 years life, when ever needed he has stood there. Right till today, I used to blame my parents and other relatives because they never used the words which my ears wanted to listen.

But now I have come to know that spoken words are never complete. At one time at the age of say: 30 my mother roared like a lioness and we all dreaded it. But now at 80 she is unable to speak well. We use our empathy to understand her needs. The speaker’s words do not match our perception and this all causes the problem. These are called communication Barriers.

You are educated and read the books. This all changes your perception. And you react to a situation more intelligently and fearlessly. But it is not possible with your mom or papa.I have read many books and that has given me lot of logical and verbal power.

How can my mother respond to my logical and verbal power? If I expect that my mother at the age of 80 should speak and act as I do, then it is my mistake not hers. Simply I gave this message to my mind and I am feeling very light mentally and concentrating on my job.

The world was here and it will remain here. Mark Twain once remarked: Don’t expect the world will do anything or change for you. Only you have to change yourself to fit in this world. The world was here, is here and will be here even after you go from this world.

An individual who fits into the world feels freedom. Earlier I used to tell the people around me about my plans, and they used to laugh at me. But now I do not tell the people. I just listen, listen and listen. My interaction with the relatives or people who do not matter is reduced to 10%. This way I am feeling very happy. Now I don’t fear problems but face them directly. I don’t say: You change, you say, you should, you ought. I find that it is my fault and appreciate others. This has built my mental health and strengthening the relationships which are very esssential to live the life.

Entire mechanism of the world is based on network. You spoke on phone, this is network. But this network is useful if we have people to speak. Can you speak without a listener? No not at all.

We are the kids of the people who were born under British rule. They have faced lot of problems to bring us up. You will realize this when you will have the kids. Bringing up own children is really a tedious task – a regular mental worry, living in scare. Mental freedom used to be alien to our mothers. There is no God, only parents.

I have told you the story of god Shivji, Parvati, Ganeshji and Kartike. Written communication is soothing communication and more understandable. Spoken words generate heat after a period of time. While speaking, health of the person, time and place the speaker or listener and the mental interpretation of the words all work together. Spoken communication can never be the same, soothing or simple and understandable. So, write mails and learn to keep yourself happy and pleasing. It gets hot.

I use this method and many problems are over. One of my auntie used to create lot of hue and cry. I wrote her a long letter and expressed every thing I felt about her and her behaviour. My life is saved. Now she does not come much and does not disturb us much. I analysed, she always talked what is wrong with the people and the world where as we are living very happily. She always talked about money, about what the people lacked or she lacked in comparison to others. This all had created lot of mental tension for her and her face and body was all presenting a walking weak body emanating negative vibrations. Similarly, your parents are talking. Reality can be totally different than your interpretations. What a man needs in life:

  1. Air to breathe
  2. Water to drink
  3. Food to eat
  4. Clothing to cover body
  5. Shelter to live
  6. Rest all is luxury and the entire world is racing after this.

It is upto you to be happy or to be unhappy. Happiness will start from the day you will decide that I am not going to be happy for anyone or anything.

Earlier I used to think about my sisters, brother and mother. But now I mentally have told myself that they are enjoying. Why should I trouble myself? It has really worked and I am mentally happy and healthy. All psychological problems are faced in real world and I find there is no problem. All were mental created by the people who knew nothing about the problem. Talking, talking and talking. Fear, fear and fear. Fear of losing caused many problems. But now that’s over.

 ijNdgI myN KuISAwN fUFogy qo KuiSAwN iml jweyNgI, gm fUFogy qO gm hI imlyNgy[
Wealth is lost, nothing is lost
Health is lost, something is lost
Character is lost, everything is lost.

Do you have health and character? Then where  is the worry. My health is OK and I am feeling at the top of the world.

So, go ahead and get married. You will be very happy. Over expectations and mental possessions poison the life

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