Sunday, May 16, 2010


MAINTAINING A haromonius joing family requires leadership, manaement and communication. Ettiquette exper ^Archie Sehgal tells us how to make it work.
The first step is to surrender the concept of "self". Make an effort to think about others first.
A joint family arrangement will test you. Annoying habits and conflicting personalities must be tolerated with patience and a positive attitude. Talking it out with the person concerned can build up the foundation for alasting relationship.
If a family member misbehaves in a fit of anger, you should suggest reasons justifying
their actions. Your family members will admire your diplomacy.
Find the courage to sacrifice something you may want in the interest of another family member.
Although, do politely mention the sacrifice made. And, your selfless act won't be in vain.
The benefactor will appreciate it and most likely wait for an occasion to recipocate.
Share everything with your family. From clothes, jewellery and books to your experiences, worries and problems. Sharing yourself will help your family to better understand you.
Family members must be appreciated for their efforts. But at the same time, applaud all members, even those who haven't performed. This encouragement will instigate effort.
Your patience will be tested and there will be events and behaviour you won't approve of. The moment something undesirable takes place, have the power to tell yourself. "So what?"
Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Also, avoid complaining about the problem to another family member. Approach the person directly and openly express whatev er is bothering using polite, befitting respectable words and body language. No trading of blames. This will help your overcome the problem and move on. This will forge unity and maintain peace in the family.
* Always project your family as one unit.
* While partaking in conversations in public, use 'we' 'our' and 'us'.
* If your achievements make your stand out from the rest of the family, be humble and always share the credit with your family whether it's for their help, cooperation, inspiration or moral support.
* Introduce your family to your friends and colleagues.
If you have hectic schedule, make time for home by involving family members in your morning routine. Have your morning tea, read the newspaper or have your breakfast in the company of other family members. You can also work on the laptop in their company. This enables you to make up on lost time. And, when you reach home, devote the first half an hour to your family. This is also the perfect opportunity to share your experiences of the day. Exercising or going for walks together is another good option. Faith, family and friends matter in life to make life 'heaven'. Remmeber it.
*Greet your elders in the morning.
* Instead of informing, the youngsters should seek permission from their elders. Try to use statements like "May I go?' instead of "I am going. "
*Express your love and afection. This will put others around you in a good mood.
* Create a common sense of belonging among all children of the joint family, irrespective of who belongs to whom . I mean cousins should be treated like siblings.
Every family member is unique so don't be afraid to be yourself. Let your personality shine through. Have the courage to stand up for yourself and don't let other family members take you for granted.
* Initiate dialogue to express your grievances.
* Do not resort to drama in an attempt to alleviate problems - that will only make them worse.
* Have one-on-one cpmversations with the senior members of the family about the problems you are facing. Brainstorm ways to solve them together.
*Perform your duties diligently and politely mention the same if your're ever confronted.
*When a hectic work schedule is approachable, mention it well in advance so everyone can mentally prepare themselves for your absence.
* If unwell, inform the family so they know why you're keeping to yourself.
Pleasing both the older and younger generations can prove to be a challenge. The elders, often overprotective, claim to have the life experience, and the your desire to be more carefree. Find a balance.
*Do not nag your teenage grandchild over trivial issues, instead discuss the issue as if they are an adult.
* Do not repprimand your grandchild in front of other family members.
* Never draw comparisons between your grandchildren and do not compare them with their parents.
* The more positive you are with your grandchildren, the more positive they will be. Praising them will motivate them to live up to the wonderful image you have of them.
*Surprise your grandchild with one of the latest CDs or DVDs. This will make them feel that you can relate to their age.
* No matter how difficult your teenager may be, just remember that he/she is the same beaultiful child who grew up in your arms.
* Work on develping a friendship with your grandchildren. This will encourage them to spend more time with you.
*Once you have bonded with the younger generation, getting them to listen won't be as much of challenge.
* Spend quality time with your grand parents and discuss their concerns over your schedule or lifestyle.
*All your life you have been the benefciary of the joint family, now it's your responsibility to follow the norms of the family.
* You should abserve the restrictions to food and other activities while at bome due to religious reasons. This pays in long run during later years of life.
* When you are desparate for permission, talk to your grandparents about it in confidence.
*Introduce your group of friends to your grandparents. it will help you get permission for future outings with them.
*Your grand parents have years of life experience on their side, so discussing your problems with them can be helpful.
^The writer runs a placement institute that provides courses in finishing grooming and corporate training with focus on impression management, etiquette and life skills.
SOURCE: THE HINDUSTAN TIMES, Sunday, 16th May, 2010l.

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