Family

Dear Reader,

 Marriage is not a big problem. Marriage is a pious bond between the two souls. Irresponsible living is like a beast boasting of its prowess in the jungle. Any time, if it falls ill or hurt, its illness can turn into serious disease and then fatal to life as there is none to attend or serve. Even emotional support is highly needed to survive in the world. First 45-50 years are full of energy and rest need companion socially and morally bound to serve. Mere presence of the spouse is enough for happy living.

Here I mention the case of a very haughty officer. He used to abuse and quarrel with his wife though they had two sons. His wife was beautiful and  principal of a school. The mother of the officer, quite illiterate created lot of hue and cry when she(the principal)  used to come back tired from the school. Every day's quarrel and nagging made the officer to go for divorce. Divorce was dreaded by the people of the village but  the officer went ahead and was fully supported by the legal fraternity.

While the divorce proceedings were pending in the court, the wife made efforts and got good job in US. The honourable court granted divorce and the principal went to the US with two sons. Officer stayed with mother for a long period. Now when the officer is retired and mother is dead, this officer calls his wife in US but the sons who are grown up do not allow the mother to reply.

I see this man drinks every day and abuses everyone in the locality out of frustration. Everybody is fed up from his behaviour. Now the wife and sons are in US and this officer is all alone without any member in the family.

Many times, a question crops up in my mind. Where is the honourable judge who passed the decree of divorce? Where is the legal fraternity that helped him to get the divorce? Where is mother who used to curse and nag the spouse? Nobody is there to help this officer. Now this officer is fighting his life's battle all alone. I perceive that his life is shortened by 15-20 years. I find him murmuring, confused and irritating. Had he visualized the life after retirement, he would have not been that adamant on divorce. All relations need balancing.
  All fears are mental fears. Not real. Your father has to marry you off as per his wish and liking. You will marry off your children. That’s the world. No parents no kids. So, agree politely and confidently and I assure you that you will enjoy this social bonding. Don’t interpret any thing and do not over analyse. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 all together make a family. How can you expect that 10 = 70 and 30= 40. Behaviour of different members is different but the greatest thing that family is one – united. Express, quarrel, contest, agree, disagree but never be divided. Family is the nuclear unit of this world.

My father stayed with me for about 1 month after 54 years of my life. I found that he is not that bad as I had apprehended right from birth. It is not a question, how many times he has thrashed me and scolded, what matters most is that even after 54 years life, when ever needed he has stood there. Right till today, I used to blame my parents and other relatives because they never used the words which my ears wanted to listen.

But now I have come to know that spoken words are never complete. At one time at the age of say: 30 my mother roared like a lioness and we all dreaded it. But now at 80 she is unable to speak well. We use our empathy to understand her needs. The speaker’s words do not match our perception and this all causes the problem. These are called communication Barriers.

You are educated and read the books. This all changes your perception. And you react to a situation more intelligently and fearlessly. But it is not possible with your mom or papa.I have read many books and that has given me lot of logical and verbal power.

How can my mother respond to my logical and verbal power? If I expect that my mother at the age of 80 should speak and act as I do, then it is my mistake not hers. Simply I gave this message to my mind and I am feeling very light mentally and concentrating on my job.

The world was here and it will remain here. Mark Twain once remarked: Don’t expect the world will do anything or change for you. Only you have to change yourself to fit in this world. The world was here, is here and will be here even after you go from this world.

An individual who fits into the world feels freedom. Earlier I used to tell the people around me about my plans, and they used to laugh at me. But now I do not tell the people. I just listen, listen and listen. My interaction with the relatives or people who do not matter is reduced to 10%. This way I am feeling very happy. Now I don’t fear problems but face them directly. I don’t say: You change, you say, you should, you ought. I find that it is my fault and appreciate others. This has built my mental health and strengthening the relationships which are very esssential to live the life.

Entire mechanism of the world is based on network. You spoke on phone, this is network. But this network is useful if we have people to speak. Can you speak without a listener? No not at all.

We are the kids of the people who were born under British rule. They have faced lot of problems to bring us up. You will realize this when you will have the kids. Bringing up own children is really a tedious task – a regular mental worry, living in scare. Mental freedom used to be alien to our mothers. There is no God, only parents.

I have told you the story of god Shivji, Parvati, Ganeshji and Kartike. Written communication is soothing communication and more understandable. Spoken words generate heat after a period of time. While speaking, health of the person, time and place the speaker or listener and the mental interpretation of the words all work together. Spoken communication can never be the same, soothing or simple and understandable. So, write mails and learn to keep yourself happy and pleasing. It gets hot.

I use this method and many problems are over. One of my auntie used to create lot of hue and cry. I wrote her a long letter and expressed every thing I felt about her and her behaviour. My life is saved. Now she does not come much and does not disturb us much. I analysed, she always talked what is wrong with the people and the world where as we are living very happily. She always talked about money, about what the people lacked or she lacked in comparison to others. This all had created lot of mental tension for her and her face and body was all presenting a walking weak body emanating negative vibrations. Similarly, your parents are talking. Reality can be totally different than your interpretations. What a man needs in life:

1. Air to breathe
2. Water to drink
3. Food to eat
4. Clothing to cover body
5. Shelter to live
6. Rest all is luxury and the entire world is racing after this.

It is upto you to be happy or to be unhappy. Happiness will start from the day you will decide that I am not going to be happy for anyone or anything.

Earlier I used to think about my sisters, brother and mother. But now I mentally have told myself that they are enjoying. Why should I trouble myself? It has really worked and I am mentally happy and healthy. All psychological problems are faced in real world and I find there is no problem. All were mental created by the people who knew nothing about the problem. Talking, talking and talking. Fear, fear and fear. Fear of losing caused many problems. But now that’s over.

 ijNdgI myN KuISAwN fUFogy qo KuiSAwN iml jweyNgI, gm fUFogy qO gm hI imlyNgy[

Wealth is lost, nothing is lost

Health is lost, something is lost

Character is lost, everything is lost.

Do you have health and character? Then where  is the worry. My health is OK and I am feeling at the top of the world.

So, go ahead and get married. You will be very happy. Over expectations and mental possessions poison the life

WORLD CHAMPION

INDIA WIN CRICKET WORLD CUP 2011

It took 18 years to Columbus to find a financer for his historic voyage that discovered modern America. Now after 28 years wait, India became World Champion of Cricket on 2th April, 2011 at Wankhede Statdium Bombay by beating Sri Lanka by 6 wickets. Sachin Tendulkar started his career 21 years back. India won the championship under the captancy of Mohinder Singh Dhoni and other key players are Yuvi, Bhajji, Nehra, Yusuf Pathan. President of India Smt. Pratibha Patil had a cup of tea with team India.

Semi final was played at Mohali between India and Pakistan. The semi final was watched by Prime Minister of Pakistan Mr. Gilani and Dr. Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India. Both expressed the hope of good relationship between two neighbouring countries. The age old (since 1947) rivalry and enemity covered by the media affects the minds of the young people. Muslims are also good humans. I have guru who is a Muslim. Dr. M.A.Zahir helped me in all ups and downs of my life. I touch the feet of three people with great reverence they are my papa, my mama and my Guru. Thereafter, my parents in law who have given me their beautiful, intelligent and wise daughter as wife.

I am blessed with two kids daughter Rimzhim Keshap, B.Sc., MBA and son Master Ankush Keshap a budding Tennis Player. I trust that one day he will bring laurels to India.
I love my country. I respect my country. I owe my life and achievement to my country. May God bless all the peace loving countries and people to flourish.

Image Courtesy: theolgalednichenko.wordpress.com
angelslover.com
imovies4you.com
chinkupinku.com
cricketwallpepar.blogspot.com

Father Taught Financial Management

I have a good, intelligent, enterprising friend who is an entrepreneur and is P.G in Technology i.e. M.Tech. He mentored his son studying in 6th standard for business. His wife a P.G in Dietetics used to be busy in the morning to shout at the son for getting up early in the morning and be ready for school. Mr. Jassar who is resident of Canada and running business in India was all surprised by the time his wife wasted in the morning to wake up their then only son.

Morning scene:
Son in the bed, hiding his face with the pillow and half-in-sleep:
Mom to son,
“ Get up my son, it is morning, you need to go to school. In case you will be late it will reflect a poor grade on your report card in “responsibility” column."
Son murmurs back,
“ A few moments more mom. Please allow me to sleep.”

Mom (busy in the kitchen) will sometimes shout from the kitchen,
“Get up or I will pull you out of the bed holding you from your ears.”

We are Punjabis and in Punjabi words the phrase is:
“Kan phar ke bahar sutna hai. Phir changa rahenga.”

It was a daily routine and Mr. Jassar’s tolerance level went on depleting to the level of annoyance and one day he sat with his wife, discussed and consulted with her the issue of the behaviour of their son over the cup of tea. At that time, they had a son only. But now they have two kids son and a lovely daughter. The complete home they have. A home without a daughter is like a hostel.

Mr. Jassar proposed to his wife:
“ My dear why can’t we work out a solution that makes our son more responsible. If the son does not get up let him sleep as long as he wishes. How long will you trouble yourself to keep him waking up? At least, one day he will have to get himself up without your assistance.”
“But he will be late for school,” humbly his wife a nice responsible caring mom replied.
“Let him own his own responsibility right from today,” Mr. Jassar politely answered.

“This is not possible and is a mere dream. I bet.” Wife contested.
“Let me handle the child. Don’t wake him up right from tomorrow.” Mr. Jassar advised and instructed. Mr. Jassar though said politely but firmly.

Next day, wife did not wake up the child.

Child got late for the school. When he got up, he asked his mother un hn hn,
“Why you did not wake me up. I am late for the school.” The child complained to his mother.
The complaint had no effect either on mom or dad.

Before the mother could reply, father replied:
“We have decided, right from today, we shall not wake you up. You have to own your own responsibility of going to school. You have to learn and be wise.”

Child was surprised at this stark and stout unexpected answer. He was never expecting that the day will come when he will have to leave the ‘comfort zone’ and ‘helping hand” will be withdrawn.
He felt as if he has woken up from a deep sleep and dreaming state.
He surrendered and politely enquired from his father,
“What should I do dad? I don’t want to lose my classes.”

“Use a wake up ringing clock.” Dad said.
“Where can I get this clock?” the child asked in a low tone. The tone reflected the child needs guidance and solution for the problem.

“From the market.”

Dad & son went to the market and bought one ringing clock.
Dad also made a list of the activities needed to be done by his son once he was awake and up . Dad pinned up the list on son’s notice board in the room. The looked at the list and frowned. But he could not contest with his dad.

Next morning:

Clock gave 1st, 2nd and 3rd ring. On the 3rd ring the boy bounced out of the bed and started brushing his teeth, went to toilet and by the time his mother was ready with breakfast, the child was on the breakfast table.

Mother was feeling relieved today. She offered the breakfast with love, affection and relaxed mind. Child enjoyed the breakfast. Child felt the breakefast was more tasty than other days.

Wished the parents “Sat Shri Akal” and sought their blessings and went to attend the school. Son used to get ride to school and Dad had to pay $ 4 every day to one of his neighbours for this service.
Days went by. The child one day asked Mr. Jassar,

“ Dad I need a bi-cycle. How much does it cost?”
“About Cn.$200.”
“I wish to buy one.”
"OK. Go ahead” , Dad replied appreciatingly.
“But I don’t have any money on me.”

Mother went on listening, silently but attentively.
Dad said," look, my dear son we have started all afresh by immigrating to Canada. So we as a family don’t have enough funds for all this."

“How can I have money then?”
“Earn it.”
“How can I earn it?”
“Let me think for a day I will be back on this”, dad said.

Next weekend
“I have an idea.” Dad started the talk with his son.
“Tell me.”
“ In my office, lot of papers need to be arranged. You may come to my office on weekly off-days and holidays. I will pay you Cn.$100 per month.”
“One more idea, it costs to take a ride for going to school.”
“It can save you $ 80 if you go and come back on foot from school which is less than a km from our home.”

Idea struck to the mind of the child and child agreed to attend the office on off-days and holidays and even became ready to go to school on foot as he wanted the bi-cycle desperately.

The child started attending the office of the dad and arranging his papers and doing his odd jobs in the office.
Mother started to enjoy more life at home in the absence of child and his dad.
After 3 months, Mr. Jassar asked his son, “Why don’t you buy the bi-cycle?”
“Dad I have only 120 dollars. 100 earned plus 20 saved. I have 80 dollars short.”
Mr. Jassar offered, “Now I can lend you 80 dollars but I will charge interest.”

“What is interest Dad?”

“If you borrow money from others or banks, you use them. For that use you need to pay a small amount as percentage. That is called interest.”
“Right! I will pay,” agreed the child.
Mr. Jassar as promised loaned the child sum of 80 dollars.

The child bought the bi-cycle and was happy that he has bought the bi-cycle with his own money.

Another day, when the son was coming on foot from his school, the neighbour of Mr. Jassar who was bringing his child from the school, offered lift in car to the son of Mr. Jassar.

The child replied, “Thanks uncle. I will go home on foot I have a promise with my dad

The neighbour was surprised to hear these words from the 6th grade student.

Now after a period of about 4/5 weeks, the child finds that bi-cycle is well enjoyed and is needed no more.

He asked his father, “Dad, I wish to sell off my cycle. How can I do that?”
“Go to the internet and ask for bids on the internet.”

These days, the child, checks the bid everyday on the internet. Price offered for old cycle is 100 dollars, but the child is not mentally ready to sell. He wishes better price.

What the big business schools cannot teach the students in many years’ teaching that a dad taught within a month or two to a child of 12 /13 years – the financial management.


Image courtesy: alexelba.blogspot.com
almightydad.com
mbaknol.com

DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES

A must read for every kid.

AT 4 YEARS

My daddy is great.

AT 6 YEARS

My daddy knows everybody.

AT 10 YEARS

My daddy is good but short tempered.

AT 12 YEARS

My daddy was very nice when I was young.

AT 14 YEARS

My daddy is getting fastidious.

AT 16 YEARS

My daddy is not in line with the current times.

AT 18 YEARS

My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

AT 20 YEARS

Oh! It's becoming difficult to tolerate daddy.

Wonder how mother puts up with him.

AT 25 YEARS

Daddy is objecting to everything.

AT 30 YEARS

It is becoming difficult to manage my son.

I was so scared of my father when I was young.

AT 40 YEARS

Daddy brought me up with so much discipline.

Even I should do the same.

AT 45 YEARS

I am baffled how my daddy brought us up.

AT 50 YEARS

My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up.

I am unable to manage a single son.

AT 55 YEARS

My daddy was far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of his kind and unique.

AT 60 YEARS

My daddy is great.

THUS, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the first stage.

WHEN GOD SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS,

YOU HAVE FAITH IN HIS ABILITIES,

WHEN HE DOES NOT SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS,

HE HAS FAITH IN YOUR ABILITIES.

Image Courtesy: http://www.father-son.jpg/, http://www.fl31.jpg/, http://www.healingstory.org/

Personality Development e-book by Prof P.K.Keshap www.mypersonalitydevelopment.com