STRESS BUSTER

STRESS BUSTER

Are all the

       relationships

worth keeping?

           Renee Singh*

People in our lives can be can be a great source of comfort but also sometimes they can be a significant cause of stress.

Stress relief is very important for our physical and emotional well being. We understand this and we all realize the value of a good relationship.

Having a happy relationship is a great stress reliever, conversely a conflicted relationship can bring a great deal of stress.

Relationship research shows that there is a very important impact that relationships have on our health, well being and stress levels.

Relationships conflict can negatively affect your health in several ways.

Research has also shown us that stable negative social exchanges are significantly

associated with lower self rated health, greater functional limitations and a higher number of health conditions.

Impact on immunity

Stress dampens the immune system. Ongoing stress can really take a toll on your health and needs immediate attention.

Family conflict

This is not uncommon. The most important relationships in our lives are within our family and are perhaps the greatest cause of our major stress.

I feel this not basically due to a lack of love but due to a lack of comfort in dealing with conflict among family members, whether it is open conflict over the dinner table or a one to one argument.

Ambivalent friendships

These are relationships where interactions are sometimes negative and hostile and sometimes positive and supportive.

These have clear negative impact on health, affect blood pressure, contribute to heart disease and many other co-related conditions.

It is in your best interest to minimize and eliminate negative relationships in your life.

Make a plan to minimize stress of ambivalent relationships by dealing with stress in these two steps.

Step One

Make a list of all the friendships in your life. Include all the people you can think of as friends, whether you meet them sometimes or regularly. Include your romantic partners whether they are in

your life now or they were there earlier or may be likely to come back.

Step two

Circle the name of friends or people in your life who are positive, those who support you when you are down and share your joy when good things happen to you. For others, evaluate your friendships and other relationships genuinely to see if they are beneficial to you or detrimental.

Ask yourself?

·    Is this relationship worth the work you putting into it?

·    Am I holding on to the relationship because of habit?

·    Would I want to be with this person if we met today?

·    Does the person make me feel good about myself?

·    Am I uncomfortable with the person?

·    Do I like who I am when I am with that person?

·    Do we bring out the best in each other?

·    How deeply can I trust this person?

·    Do we have common interests?

·    Am I receiving as much as I am giving to this relationship?

·    Does this relationship enrich my life?

Once you answer these questions if gives you a clearer picture of whether the relationship is positive or negative for you.

Check yourself and learn to let go?

RESTRUCTURE YOUR THOUGHTS

Our habitual thought patterns shape what we get angry about.

Change your thoughts in a way to attack negative thoughts to change them to positive.

LET GO TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

At some point accept that some relationships stress you continually. Recognize these people and keep them at a safe distance. Stay on with your healthy relationships.

(*Singh is a Chandigarh based Psychotherapist)

Source: The Tribune 26^th March, 2012.

Father Taught Financial Management

I have a good, intelligent, enterprising friend who is an entrepreneur and is P.G in Technology i.e. M.Tech. He mentored his son studying in 6th standard for business. His wife a P.G in Dietetics used to be busy in the morning to shout at the son for getting up early in the morning and be ready for school. Mr. Jassar who is resident of Canada and running business in India was all surprised by the time his wife wasted in the morning to wake up their then only son.

Morning scene:
Son in the bed, hiding his face with the pillow and half-in-sleep:
Mom to son,
“ Get up my son, it is morning, you need to go to school. In case you will be late it will reflect a poor grade on your report card in “responsibility” column."
Son murmurs back,
“ A few moments more mom. Please allow me to sleep.”

Mom (busy in the kitchen) will sometimes shout from the kitchen,
“Get up or I will pull you out of the bed holding you from your ears.”

We are Punjabis and in Punjabi words the phrase is:
“Kan phar ke bahar sutna hai. Phir changa rahenga.”

It was a daily routine and Mr. Jassar’s tolerance level went on depleting to the level of annoyance and one day he sat with his wife, discussed and consulted with her the issue of the behaviour of their son over the cup of tea. At that time, they had a son only. But now they have two kids son and a lovely daughter. The complete home they have. A home without a daughter is like a hostel.

Mr. Jassar proposed to his wife:
“ My dear why can’t we work out a solution that makes our son more responsible. If the son does not get up let him sleep as long as he wishes. How long will you trouble yourself to keep him waking up? At least, one day he will have to get himself up without your assistance.”
“But he will be late for school,” humbly his wife a nice responsible caring mom replied.
“Let him own his own responsibility right from today,” Mr. Jassar politely answered.

“This is not possible and is a mere dream. I bet.” Wife contested.
“Let me handle the child. Don’t wake him up right from tomorrow.” Mr. Jassar advised and instructed. Mr. Jassar though said politely but firmly.

Next day, wife did not wake up the child.

Child got late for the school. When he got up, he asked his mother un hn hn,
“Why you did not wake me up. I am late for the school.” The child complained to his mother.
The complaint had no effect either on mom or dad.

Before the mother could reply, father replied:
“We have decided, right from today, we shall not wake you up. You have to own your own responsibility of going to school. You have to learn and be wise.”

Child was surprised at this stark and stout unexpected answer. He was never expecting that the day will come when he will have to leave the ‘comfort zone’ and ‘helping hand” will be withdrawn.
He felt as if he has woken up from a deep sleep and dreaming state.
He surrendered and politely enquired from his father,
“What should I do dad? I don’t want to lose my classes.”

“Use a wake up ringing clock.” Dad said.
“Where can I get this clock?” the child asked in a low tone. The tone reflected the child needs guidance and solution for the problem.

“From the market.”

Dad & son went to the market and bought one ringing clock.
Dad also made a list of the activities needed to be done by his son once he was awake and up . Dad pinned up the list on son’s notice board in the room. The looked at the list and frowned. But he could not contest with his dad.

Next morning:

Clock gave 1st, 2nd and 3rd ring. On the 3rd ring the boy bounced out of the bed and started brushing his teeth, went to toilet and by the time his mother was ready with breakfast, the child was on the breakfast table.

Mother was feeling relieved today. She offered the breakfast with love, affection and relaxed mind. Child enjoyed the breakfast. Child felt the breakefast was more tasty than other days.

Wished the parents “Sat Shri Akal” and sought their blessings and went to attend the school. Son used to get ride to school and Dad had to pay $ 4 every day to one of his neighbours for this service.
Days went by. The child one day asked Mr. Jassar,

“ Dad I need a bi-cycle. How much does it cost?”
“About Cn.$200.”
“I wish to buy one.”
"OK. Go ahead” , Dad replied appreciatingly.
“But I don’t have any money on me.”

Mother went on listening, silently but attentively.
Dad said," look, my dear son we have started all afresh by immigrating to Canada. So we as a family don’t have enough funds for all this."

“How can I have money then?”
“Earn it.”
“How can I earn it?”
“Let me think for a day I will be back on this”, dad said.

Next weekend
“I have an idea.” Dad started the talk with his son.
“Tell me.”
“ In my office, lot of papers need to be arranged. You may come to my office on weekly off-days and holidays. I will pay you Cn.$100 per month.”
“One more idea, it costs to take a ride for going to school.”
“It can save you $ 80 if you go and come back on foot from school which is less than a km from our home.”

Idea struck to the mind of the child and child agreed to attend the office on off-days and holidays and even became ready to go to school on foot as he wanted the bi-cycle desperately.

The child started attending the office of the dad and arranging his papers and doing his odd jobs in the office.
Mother started to enjoy more life at home in the absence of child and his dad.
After 3 months, Mr. Jassar asked his son, “Why don’t you buy the bi-cycle?”
“Dad I have only 120 dollars. 100 earned plus 20 saved. I have 80 dollars short.”
Mr. Jassar offered, “Now I can lend you 80 dollars but I will charge interest.”

“What is interest Dad?”

“If you borrow money from others or banks, you use them. For that use you need to pay a small amount as percentage. That is called interest.”
“Right! I will pay,” agreed the child.
Mr. Jassar as promised loaned the child sum of 80 dollars.

The child bought the bi-cycle and was happy that he has bought the bi-cycle with his own money.

Another day, when the son was coming on foot from his school, the neighbour of Mr. Jassar who was bringing his child from the school, offered lift in car to the son of Mr. Jassar.

The child replied, “Thanks uncle. I will go home on foot I have a promise with my dad

The neighbour was surprised to hear these words from the 6th grade student.

Now after a period of about 4/5 weeks, the child finds that bi-cycle is well enjoyed and is needed no more.

He asked his father, “Dad, I wish to sell off my cycle. How can I do that?”
“Go to the internet and ask for bids on the internet.”

These days, the child, checks the bid everyday on the internet. Price offered for old cycle is 100 dollars, but the child is not mentally ready to sell. He wishes better price.

What the big business schools cannot teach the students in many years’ teaching that a dad taught within a month or two to a child of 12 /13 years – the financial management.


Image courtesy: alexelba.blogspot.com
almightydad.com
mbaknol.com

STRESS AND ITS REMEDIES.

1. SLEEPLESS IS THE MAJOR CAUSE OF STRESS
2. MODERN DAY ATTITUDE FOR ACCUMMULATION OF WEALTH AND SHOW OF WEALTH IS THE SECOND REASON.
3. COMPARISON STRESSES MIND
4. QUALITY TIME SPENT WITH FAMILY REDUCES STRESS
5. UNRALISTIC UNACHIEVABLE GOALS ALSO CAUSE STRESS
6. STRESS AMONG CHILDREN IS GENERALLY CAUSED BY THE COMPARISON MADE BY THE PARENTS.
7.PARENTS GENERALLY FORCE THIER WILL UPON THE CHILDREN WHICH IN TURN TELLS UPON THEIR HEALTH.
8. PARENTS THROUGH THEIR BEHAVIOUR MAKE THEIR CHILDREN PUPPETS TO PERFORM BEFORE THE PEOPLE WHO COME TO MEET THE PARENTS.
9. PARTICPATION IN GAMES AND GOOD BEHAVIOUR BY PARENTS CAN REDUCE THE STRESS.
10. PARENTS SHOULD NOT COMPARE THE CHILDREN ON THE BASIS OF MARKS ONLY. RATHER THEY SHOULD TRY TO KNOW THE GOOD POINTS OF THEIR CHILD.
11. DON'T KILL SILENTLY YOUR CHILDREN FOR FALSE EGO AND SOCIAL REPUTATION.
12. NO BODY CAN STOP COMMENTING FROM THE PEOPLE. LEARN TO BEAR WITH THE COMMENTING FROM OTHERS. COMMENTING IS GENERALLY DONE BY ILLITERATE LESS EDUCATED PEOPLE. DON'T SACRIFICE YOUR KIDS FOR THE SAKE OF SAVING YOURSELF FROM THE SOCIAL COMMENTING. NOBODY REMEMBERS WHAT HE SAID AFTER A DAY.
13. TAKE HONEY TO BE MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY STRONG. WEAK MIND CANNOT TAKE COMMENTING EASILY. WORDS OF COMMENTER GO ON RINGING IN THE HEAD AND RESULT IN REACTION.
14. LIFE IS FOR ONE TIME. ONCE GONE, IT NEVER COMES BACK. FOLLOW LAW. LAW IS VERY HARSH FOR SUCH KIND OF BEHAVIOUR BY ANYONE. BEWARE.